Not Another New Year Resolution-Fail

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Every New year I usually resolve to be healthier by exercising and eating right. This year I’m resolving to learn to love myself right where I am. That is a very hard fete. I have struggled with loving myself for as long as I can remember.

It seems as though depression keeps my self-love at arm’s length. I have always put my self-worth in what others think of me. Particularly of what men think of me. Written Jan. 2, 2017

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Beginning again to love and accept my body

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Today I am beginning a new journey by starting this course provided by The Daily Om: 8 Weeks to Total Body Love

I tend to compare my body to others. I am 45 years old and have been depressed for a really long time. At 30, depression, anxiety, stress (as result from divorce) caused me to lose an excessive amount of weight. However, I ate healthy and exercised in response, but another unhealthy relationship influenced me 5 years later to do the opposite– eat unhealthy and stop exercise. I didn’t even love and accept my body “at that perfect size.” Now, I realize that unhealthy relationship ended 7 years ago! And I am the heaviest I have ever been…And I really despise myself. I have all sorts of tapes inside my head that tell me I’m ugly because I’m fat. That I don’t deserve to be loved because I’m fat. That I can’t dress cute because I’m fat.
I know where those tapes come from. And I also know what perpetuates them! I really hope I get insight, healing and help to erase those negative tapes and love and accept my body right where I am.